For me, it involved a lot of experimentation and self-discovery.
My name is Alex and I identify as bisexual. Not to reinforce stereotypes but, yes, I was a bit confused at first. Growing up in a conservative Christian household made it worse.
I’m an AMAB (assigned male at birth), and I get stiff for the opposite and same sex. That’s bisexuality in a nutshell. Simple, right? Not for some. Many think being bisexual is all about having more people to sleep with. They think bisexual people think “any hole is a goal.” But that’s actually not the case for some of us.
It’s wrong to stereotype bisexuals as “confused” and “promiscuous.” But I’m sure a lot of us did feel confused. Some of us might even have been promiscuous. To be honest, at one point I fit both those stereotypes.
I’ve been in relationships with men and women. All were unique experiences, and all were valid. Before you ask, yes, there was sex involved. So you can’t tell me I was faking it or going through a phase. It wasn’t fake and it wasn’t a phase. It was a discovery.
Growing up bisexual
I grew up in a conservative Christian household. My entire family branded anything queer as “the Devil’s work.” I grew up unaware of the world beyond my cishet, heteronormative environment. But all that changed when I went to elementary school and had crushes. Cute guys and pretty girls gave me butterflies. (Case in point: I liked the Blue and Red Mystic Rangers.)
I didn’t understand why. I thought demons had possessed me or that I had fallen ill. As I got older, I wondered if I was gay. I asked myself that question for days, weeks, months, even years. This went on until I was 14, when I discovered the term “bisexual.” Reading about bisexuality set my soul on fire. I resonated with it and that’s when I labeled myself as bisexual.
Because I was a believer myself, I tried “fighting” my bisexuality. I laugh about it now, but I should’ve known it would be a futile fight.
Denials and doubts
All closeted queer kids have denied their sexuality. They start out by posing as allies. They do that until they can tell themselves, “Nope, definitely not straight.” I went through that. Let me tell you now, it wasn’t easy.
It’s not a laughing matter. If you’re cishet, you don’t know how hard it is to wake up every day and wish you were someone else. You don’t wake up wanting to die because you feel trapped in your own body. That’s what it was like for me.
My friends weren’t much help. When I came out to them, my straight friends advised me to have sex with a guy to see if I’m bi. When I said that I wouldn’t, they told me it was a phase. I was most surprised by my queer friends’ reactions. They told me to do it with a girl. When I said no, they said I was “bi now, gay later.” That tore me up inside.
(On that note, if you have a friend who comes out as bi, don’t question their sexuality. Besides, what do you know?)
My friends’ reactions caused me to doubt my sexuality. I wondered if I was actually gay but couldn’t admit it. That’s why I developed a porn addiction when I was younger. There was no decent queer representation in media at the time. Even if there was, my parents would never have let me see it. This is why cishets think all queers are hypersexual. Once upon a time, porn was the only thing that made us feel seen.
Bisexual people and sex
Ah yes, the sex.
I had a first kiss with a girl and a guy. Then I moved on to oral sex and penetrative sex. Yes, with girls and guys. That sealed the deal. It was thanks to those experiences that I confirmed my bisexuality. But here’s a disclaimer. You don’t have to have sex with men and women to prove to others or yourself that you’re bisexual. That’s so wrong. If you resonate with bisexuality, go with it!
When it comes to peepees and vajayjays, I realized my preference comes and goes like the seasons. Sometimes I prefer guys, other times I prefer girls. Sometimes I prefer both at the same time. (Sorry not sorry.)
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But now that I’m an adult, I realized labels don’t matter that much when it comes to my sexuality. But if I had to label myself, I’d say that I’m bisexual. If anyone has a problem with it or thinks that it’s not valid, they can kiss my ass.
Featured Image Daniella Sison