Alex Cruz’s five tips to anyone searching for something real on Bumble or Tinder.
Trust me. You need thick skin and even more confidence to make it out there. The amount of trashy-to-decent people you’ll meet will probably make you more desperate, and you’ll realize that you deserve better, if not the best.Â
The truth is, dating apps are a struggle. There’s more to them than just swiping right and left. They test your patience, analyzing skills, and a lot of your mental energy.Â
Are there ways to play this game? Are there any chances of winning? And no, it doesn’t involve body transformations or paid photoshoots.
I was able to get my share of wins on dating apps. But what I have now is something else. It’s the ultimate prize. I won it because I changed how I played the game. Here’s what I did:
It’s chess, babes. That’s all it is.
Dating apps are the biggest, most life-altering games you could get on your smartphone. Just like games, you can either play for fun or play to win.
When playing to win, keep your cards close to your chest. You have to know if you want friends or a genuine relationship. Don’t reveal too much. Give people a taste of who you are, but leave them wanting more. You could start slow and steady, or you could surprise them. It’s up to you.
All that time spent getting to know yourself should come in handy. Play to your strengths. Are you artistic? Funny? Use those!
Give it to them straight.
Yes, be yourself, your best self. Be who you embody on your profile. The authenticity doesn’t just start from the first chat, but from your bio’s first glance/read, which is often short and brief.
Let loose who you are because the thing with these dating apps is that you have to be as vulnerable as you can to find someone who would do the same. Otherwise, everyone’s just going to be putting their walls up, and what’s that going to do?
If there’s one thing people hate more (myself included), they hate to be wrong and be disappointed, and I’m sure you do too. So, one thing you have to avoid is giving off “incorrect” vibes. Don’t act all bubbly and fun on your bio and reply “haha” or “ok” to their chats. That is probably the biggest turn-off, and I think you’d agree. No, you’re not quirky or exciting. You just look bored and over it. At least give them a heads up.
And please, for the love of God, don’t use jokes that show off your “dark humor.” It’s not for everyone, and it doesn’t make you the main character you think you are.
So, be the best you! But be you so that they can get a taste of what they’re getting into.
Put in the effort
This applies to everyone.
Whether you are the first person who chats or the one who receives the first chat, be sure to put your best foot forward for an excellent first impression. Yes, they matter!
Try matching or complementing their energy in the conversation. Show that you’re interested in the person, and if they don’t reciprocate, at least you tried your best. But if they can’t respond to your queries, don’t waste your time. They’re probably just looking for the need to be valued, not a relationship.
I was able to find the love of my life by knowing my worth and knowing that I needed to put effort into it. You could be missing out on the love of your life because you were too lazy to reply or listen to the playlist they sent you. Relationships and attachments take time.
Let it happen!
It’s all trial and error.
Dating apps are a learning experience. They teach you how people act and behave. They help you figure out if you’re ready to be open and honest with yourself because the challenge of dating apps is not the app itself or the people there. It is how determined and patient you are when getting to know someone.
As a person who likes to think about the future, I often let my expectations get the best of me. But staying present helped me. So try doing that. Squeeze out what you think you know, then soak up what’s in front of you like a sponge.
Trust me when I say that the “sponge” advice is one you don’t want to forget.
You cannot determine or judge whether they’re “the one.” That’s the beauty of online dating apps. They’re the most convenient way of screening potential partners!
Take a breath, and don’t be afraid to give it your best!
Do it out of love, not for love
This is mainly for those looking for genuine relationships and long-term partners.
When signing up for dating apps, know what you are there for. The last thing you want is to realize that you or your partner did it all because you were in love with the feeling of love, but not with each other. A relationship built on the fear of being alone is bound for doom.
All the effort you put into that connection should be from a place of something that’s already there, and that’s abundant. You don’t show how you care just because you want to care back. You show how you care because you care!
So get out there! Sign up for as many dating apps as you want. It should all be fine as long as you know what you’re there for. Dating apps are scary, but above that, they are an experience. An experience to meet different people and learn how they work! So, be smart about them and enjoy!
Art Daniella Sison