Lessons from the Ana Jalandoni sit-down with Boy Abunda

Relationships can go from delightful to dangerous real quick. Here’s what you can do when that happens.

The internet recently exploded with news that actress Ana Jalandoni had been rushed to the hospital due to physical injuries. Soon enough, the story unfolded: she had checked into a hotel with actor Kit Thompson, who allegedly abused her physically. The two had been dating for just a few months at the time.

Recently, Ana sat down with “King of Talk” Boy Abunda for his YouTube channel. As part of his series called The Interviewer, Ana opened up about the relationship and the abuse she experienced.

In the two-part interview, quite a few things came to light. Ana’s experience is not uncommon. Unfortunately, violence against women (VAW) is a major problem in the Philippines.

“Maganda naman yung [simula] namin ni Kit,” she said at the top of the interview, talking about how Kit had been eager to see her and how they finally met after prolonged social media conversations. As the interview went on, she revealed how things eventually spiraled.

Here are some of the key lessons to be learned from the Ana Jalandoni interview:

If you’re in a scary situation, you shouldn’t sweep it under the rug

“Mahilig kami mag-play role,” Ana said. When they were heading to Kit’s parents’ house one time, they were roleplaying; she made a joke referring to her ex. She thought it was fine since Kit had made jokes about his ex as well.

At that point, she said, she was shocked. She said it was like a switch had flipped; he suddenly started going off at her, curse words and all.

She wanted to leave him right then, but he apologized and convinced her not to. He also got her to apologize; even if exes came up from both ends, she was the only one to say sorry.

Some months later, they got into a fight when Kit interrogated Ana about a sexy thriller she was set to star in. He made derogatory comments about her being a sexy actress and the bed scene, saying it seemed she liked that kind of “touching.”

At that moment, Ana managed to stand up for herself, explaining that it was just work. She still wanted to save the Tagaytay vacation, so she told him she’d figure it out to tone things down.

Romantic partners should not make you feel scared, or like you’re in danger. They should also be able to respect your job. When that happens, don’t just shrug it off. It’s not a good sign at all.

If a simple joke leads to you being threatened, that’s a big red flag

Gesturing to explain how it was obviously a serious threat, Ana shared: “May hawak siyang knife kasi may ginagawa siya sa CR ko, inano niya sa leeg ko.”

Kit had a fit of jealousy during a moment of joking around while he was repairing her bathroom and threatened her with the knife he was using for repairs.

While Kit apologized, that was the first time she’d stood up for herself to the point of asking him for space. He didn’t leave her house; eventually, they reconciled.

Romantic partners, and people in general, should never threaten you with a weapon. When you want space, it should be afforded to you.

It’s never too late to ask for help

By that point, it seemed like a dangerous cycle: Kit would suddenly be very jealous or upset about something, and his temper would flare up. However, he would beg Ana to forgive him when that passed, claiming he loved her.

She would forgive him, though she did tell him that he needed psychological help. However, he just shrugged it off.

At that point, it just seemed like a normal part of their relationship. 

By the time the incident in Tagaytay happened, Ana Jalandoni truly feared for her life. Barely able to see out of her eye from being hit, she opened Facebook Messenger and sent a frantic message to whoever she could.

There were quite a few incidents of microaggression and full-on aggression in private. She kept giving him chances because she loved him. It took her life hanging by a thread for her to actually seek assistance.

READ: What Is Violence Against Women?

In truth, asking for help can be done at any time. No matter how bleak things look, there’s always a way to break free.

All told: love should not be abusive, ever. It’s important to recognize the signs and find the courage to walk away. There will always be someone who will believe you and help you get out.

Are you in need of support, or do you know someone that does? Call the Philippine National Police Women and Children Protection Center’s Aleng Pulis hotline at +63919 777 7377 or +63966 725 5961.

Featured Image: Daniella Sison

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