Here’s how you can avoid making a big mistake when you have a queer kid.
Maybe your child came out to you this month, or you might suspect your kid is queer. Here are some tips on what to do if you find yourselves in either situation.
Establish a safe environment for your queer kid
Most queer kids are generally very protective of their identity. They won’t come out to you just because. In the Philippines, being queer is still very much frowned upon. So, if you want your queer kid to feel, you’ll have to create a safe environment.
Don’t scream “I SUPPORT YOU!” in their ears. Be more subtle. Drop hints about how you feel. You can say that you support the LGBTQIA+ community when they’re within earshot. You can even tell a little white lie. For instance, say that a friend came out to you and you were cool with it.
It’s with these subtle acts that you can establish a safe environment for your queer kid. Or you can try the old “We love you regardless of your SOGIE.” That works too. It might be too much of a pat on the back, but it’ll have to do if you don’t know how to start.
They’ll feel so secure they might give it to you straight (or not).
Give them space
Coming out is not an easy thing to do. Besides, most kids nowadays don’t even believe in coming out anymore. So as a parent or an elder, you’re going to have to adjust to this. You can’t force them out even if your gaydar goes off when they’re around.
If they start talking about how they like boys, girls, or both, or none, simply nod and support them. Sexuality and gender identity are touchy subjects. Asking tough questions right off the bat may cause them to clam up. So chill out.
We find it convenient to slap labels on anyone and anything. But coming into your own when it comes to gender and sexuality is a journey. Even some queer adults are still learning more about their SOGIE.
Be open to learning about the queer experience
It’s important to note that you also have to do your own research. Queer theory is an abstract, endless concept. But as long as you familiarize yourself with some key points, you should be fine.
Your kids will be looking to you for answers before they approach their friends or the internet. Make sure that you’re able to give them what they need or point them in the right direction. It’s not easy to be a queer kid. Queer kids often feel alone because they don’t fit society’s standards.
Cut the bigotry
This is a no-brainer. But if you’re bigoted, there’ll be no reason for you to read this article in the first place.
You need to be able to accept your child regardless of their SOGIE. It’s your job as parents to be there for them while they’re discovering themselves. They didn’t choose to be this way. So don’t try to change them or convince them that it’s a phase.
You chose to have kids, so you have to accept them for who they are. And FYI, you can’t pray the gay away. Believe me, I’ve tried. It really doesn’t work.
Don’t rush them
Let them come to you. It’s their journey and you’re there to make sure that they have a hand to hold or a shoulder to cry on.
They’ll come out in their own time. But for the time being, make sure that you don’t question them or interrogate them. You might make them less inclined to come out to you if you do that. Don’t forget to ask how you can be of help in their development. You don’t know everything and neither do they. But you and your child can learn from each other as you go along.
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It’s a scary world out there for queer kids. So make sure you’re there for them. They need you to be.
Feature Image Daniella Sison
